5 Reasons Why Moms Need Non-Mom Friends
“Thank you, Brittany, for not talking about your baby this entire time.” A friend of mine actually said this to me one night as we were finishing up our dinner date. Honestly, I can’t say that it threw me off. Because it didn’t. I totally understood. Moms, we NEED non-mom friends in our lives. If you decide to keep reading, you’ll see exactly why it is important for moms to have non-mom friends around us.
You read it right. I was thanked for not talking about Jaxon. My friend proceeded to explain to me that when she hung out with a mutual friend of ours, all that mom did was talk about her baby.
I was once that woman who did not have any children. At this moment in time, none of my friends have children. So, we do not talk about children. What’s there to discuss?
I can see how frustrating it is to obsessively talk about your child to someone who does not have any children. They can’t relate. Stories about breastfeeding, temper-tantrums, and picky eating are lost on them.
At this point in my life, I have friends that are married, friends that are in their career, and friends that are still in school. At age 25, I consider myself a young mom. It’s not surprising that none of my other friends have children. And you know what? I’m okay with that. Allow me to tell you why.
I’m More Than a Mother
I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. I am not just a mother.
Being a mother may be my most important role, but it is not the only role. I LOVE doing things that don’t involve Jaxon. I care about myself mentally and emotionally and sometimes that means taking a break from my child.
Thanks to my non-mom friends, I can leave home on a whim and go out to dinner or go shopping. Those non-mom friends don’t need to figure out who is going to watch their children. They don’t have to struggle with getting the stroller out of the car and wheeling the baby around the stores.
Taking a child somewhere is lowkey an exercise routine and it’s nice when you can just bounce around from place to place without a baby in tow.
When you have free time away from the kids, guess who else has free time? Your non-mom friends.
I also don’t have to talk about him if I don’t want to! When I’m with my friends, I get to relax and not discuss anything about the mom life that I live 24/7. I’m not saying this to say that we do not talk about Jaxon. We definitely talk about Jaxon. We all think he’s cute, smart, and funny. My friends LOVE that little monster. But, he is not the focal point of our conversations.
Have you ever spent time with another mom? Have you ever had a conversation that’s like:
You: “My baby can count to 10!”
Her: “My baby can count to 20!”
You: “Well my baby can count backward from 50 in Spanish.”
I mean really? Does everything have to be a comparison? I know as mothers we enjoy bragging about our children, but it’s not in an ill-intentioned way. We’re not trying to compete with other moms, but it could definitely turn into that. It becomes exhausting, and both moms can potentially end up feeling inadequate.
That doesn’t happen with your non-mom friends. They serve as your child’s bonus Aunt, so any “bragging” that you do to them, won’t seem like bragging. They’ll enjoy listening and they will be just as proud as you are! They love seeing your child grow, learn, and change. I mean, they MELT over the “goo-goo’s” and “ga-ga’s.” Other moms have been there and done that.
As a Mom, you have to be careful about what you say and when you say it. Every word is calculated so that you can avoid saying something that your baby’s sponge brain will pick up on.
When I’m with my non-mom friends, there’s NO FILTER.
I can go hang out at their house, or we can go out to eat and throw back a few glasses of wine and talk about WHATEVER. We can laugh loudly, there’s no curfew, and no expectations to “keep it together” and “act like a mom.”
Although I do not ask any of my non-mom friends when they plan to have children, some of them have expressed that they want children now, or in the future.
Because of that, they never fail to remind me of how blessed I am to have Jaxon.
Motherhood is exhausting. The newborn/infant stage was so easy (besides breastfeeding). But once Jaxon began walking and talking, all hell broke loose! Now on the brink of turning 2, he has literally turned into a wild monster baby & he drives me up the wall. However, when I look at his gorgeous, innocent face, I KNOW that I am blessed.
My non-mom friends don’t see Jaxon in that light. They see a fun kid. They see the innocence and playfulness, which reminds me that at this age, that’s all he really is. A sweet, innocent kid. Regardless of his rowdiness. They see someone polite when I sometimes see a child that ignores me on purpose.
I Can’t Live Without Them
I know it may sound like I am the only one that benefits from this mom/non-mom friend relationship but that’s not the case.
Yes, my friends are there for me when I need a break from being a mom, but the feelings are mutual.
So many moms have lost friendships after they became mothers and vice versa. In my opinion, I am lucky to still be able to have my best friends in my corner. I feel like they are happy with me, too.